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Funerals
Nothing adequately prepares us for the shock
of a loved one’s death. We find ourselves in a position that
is emotionally confusing, experiencing feelings of panic and
helplessness. Yet hundreds of decisions must be made in preparing
to say goodbye. Therefore, this section is dedicated to making
this difficult time a little easier by providing a “checklist”
to help guide you through this burdensome process. It will
also inform you about what your local funeral director can
do to help.
The Value
of a Licensed Funeral Director
The funeral director's most important role
is helping you. Making any kind of funeral arrangement involves
many choices and decisions. Funeral service professionals
give you and your family the information you need to make
the right choices. Because they understand your need to consider
all available options, your funeral director will fully explain
these and take time to answer your questions.
Licensed and trained funeral directors help
with both the practical arrangements and the emotional issues
involved in planning a funeral. On the practical side, they
typically remove the deceased from the place of death, obtain
the required legal documents and prepare the body for viewing,
if desired. Once you and your family are satisfied with your
decision regarding services, burial or cremation, your funeral
director will arrange for the final disposition, provide facilities
for the visitation and funeral service, and transport the
deceased and mourners to the place of final disposition.
Your funeral director will take great pains
to plan a fitting tribute to your loved one. In fact, he or
she will insist on taking an active role in helping you plan
a personal and meaningful ceremony to begin the healing process.
After the service, your funeral service professional can also
provide support materials to help you deal with your grief.
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Funeral Checklist
When planning a funeral, try not to do everything
yourself. Call on a family member or friend to help you make
the following arrangements.
Notify:
- Doctor
- Coroner
- Funeral home
- They will help coordinate arrangements with cemetery
or memorial park
- They will prepare the Social Security Form and see
that the number is retired
- They will assist in determining the number of death
certificates you will need and will order them
- Clergy
- Relatives and friends
- Pallbearers
- Insurance Agents
- Banks
- Unions and Fraternal Organizations
- Organists
Select:
- Cemetery property
- Funeral service
- Casket
- Vault or outer container
- Clothing
- Flowers
- Music
- Thank you announcements
- Transportation
- Time and place for funeral
- Time and place for visitation
Provide:
- Vital statistics about the deceased
- Birth Date
- Birthplace
- Fathers name
- Mothers name
- Social Security Number
- Veterans Discharge or Claim Number
- Education
- Marital status
- Obituary information (the funeral home will normally write
the article and submit to newspaper)
- Age
- Place of birth
- Cause of death
- Occupation
- College Degrees
- Memberships held
- Military service
- Outstanding work
- List of survivors in immediate family
- Give time and place of services
- Charities for memorial contributions
- Addresses of all people who must be notified
- Arrangements for out-of-town visitors
In addition you will want to:
- Find someone to help answer sympathetic phone calls, cards
and letters, as well as greet friends and relatives when
they call.
- Decide appropriate memorial to which gifts may be made
(church, hospice, etc.).
- Prepare list of distant persons to be notified by letter/or
printed notice and decide which to send.
- Locate the will and notify lawyer and executor.
- Check carefully all life and casualty insurance and death
benefits including social security, credit union, fraternal
and military.
- Check promptly on all debts and installment payments,
including credit cards. Some carry insurance clauses that
cancel balances upon death.
- Notify utilities and landlord and tell post office where
to send mail (if deceased was living alone).
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Burial Options
Just as there are complexities in life,
so are there many dimensions in planning the modern funeral.
But by making the fundamental choice between burial and cremation,
you have already taken care of one of the most important decisions
you will need to make. In this section, you will find essential
information that will help you make the final burial arrangements,
such as: What type of service will you have? What type of
casket will you choose? How will you memorialize your loved
one? How can you personalize the funeral? And where will the
final resting place be?
Planning the Service
Ceremonies help survivors face the death
of a loved one, celebrate their life and often are designed
as a “send-off” for the loved one. Whether a ceremony is elaborate
or simple, funerals are often individualized to reflect the
life of the deceased and to hold special meaning for family
and other survivors.
Viewing the Body
Generally, funeral services are conducted
with the body of the deceased present. Many find the viewing
to be helpful -- providing a positive and peaceful image of
the person to add to their memories. It also allows family
and friends to gather and provide comfort to one another.
Visitations can be public - open to all who wish to attend,
or private - open only to family members and close friends
at the immediate family's request. Regardless of the option
chosen, this tradition gives family members and friends the
opportunity to say their final good-byes prior to disposition
of the body.
The Ceremony
Funeral ceremonies reflect the life of the
deceased and hold special meaning for family and other survivors.
The service can be religious or secular in nature, where family
and friends are encouraged to participate by sharing their
memories and feelings. Funeral services (or memorial services
at which the body is not present) can be held in a variety
of places. For example:
- Funeral Home
- Place of Worship
- Cemetery (chapel or at grave site)
- Personal Home
- Park or Garden
Plan Your Own
Personalization is a valuable element of
today’s funerals. A ceremony can be individualized with musical
selections, readings and displays to reflect the person's
life, occupation and interests. It may reflect one's religious
beliefs as a re-affirmation of faith in a greater life beyond
this world. It may center on an ethnic background or social
affiliation, or even reflect the occupation or hobbies of
the deceased. Inviting friends and family to stand and say
a few informal comments about the deceased can be very helpful
to survivors. Family members are encouraged to express any
ideas that will create a more meaningful and personalized
service.
Memorial Service
A memorial service can be religious or secular,
with or without the body present. Though they’re often held
in a funeral home, memorial services can also take place in
a cemetery, at the grave site, in a person’s home, or in a
park or garden. More than one memorial service may be held,
particularly if friends and relatives located in different
parts of the country are unable to travel to one location.
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Choosing a Casket
The selection of the casket is a very personal
decision and an expression of your feelings. You may select
the warmth and beauty of wood or the beauty and protection
afforded by a metal casket. You may prefer the simplicity
of a tailored interior or a more elaborate design. A casket
that reflects the personality and tastes of your loved one
can be a final tribute to their life.
Casket Materials
A wide variety of caskets in many price ranges
and styles is available both in metal and hardwood. Metal
caskets are known for their protective qualities and their
unique finishes. Bronze and copper are among the most durable
and beautiful of the metals. Both are non-rusting and come
in several styles and finishes. Stainless and carbon steel
caskets also come in a variety of grades, gauges, styles and
finishes. Stainless steel is available in premium and basic
grades and carbon steel is manufactured in thickness' of 16
gauge (the thickest), 18 gauge and 20 gauge (the thinnest).
Hardwood caskets reflect the choice of families
who appreciate and cherish the qualities of natural wood.
The warmth, beauty and personality it brings to fine furniture
makes it ideally suited for the construction of quality caskets.
Hardwood caskets are available in a variety of species including
Mahogany, Walnut, Cherry, Maple, Oak, Pecan, Poplar, and Pine.
As you can see from the chart below, the type of metal or
species of wood used will affect both the appearance and cost
of a casket.
Casket Protection
What exactly does protection mean? Simply
put, protective caskets prevent the entrance of grave site
elements, such as moisture and dirt, from getting inside the
casket. For many of us, the urge to protect our loved ones
is fundamental, enveloping every stage of life. In a recent
nationwide survey, families like yours said the most important
purpose of a casket was to hold a loved one with dignity and
protect them from outside elements. And among families who
would choose a metal casket, protective caskets are preferred
10 to 1 over non-protective caskets.
Interior Casket Options
Casket interiors are available in three types
of fabrics: crepe, velour and velvet. Crepes are usually the
least expensive and velvets are the most expensive. Casket
interiors are also available in different styles: shirred
- in which the material is gathered and sewn, giving it a
ruffled appearance; tailored - in which the design is smooth,
flat and simple; and tufted - in which heavy padding is used
beneath the fabric and the fabric is then pulled through,
creating a geometric design. Beige interiors are the standard
for most manufacturers caskets; however, other colors like
the popular pink or blue are also available. In addition to
interior fabrics, you can also choose personalized panels
for the cap (inside lid ) of the casket that reflect various
lifestyles, interests and service affiliations.
Exterior Casket Options
A funeral is one of the most personal and
intimate occasions a family can share. Personalizing the exterior
of the casket can reflect the life of the deceased, holding
special meaning for survivors. Custom corners are a favored
means to do just that.
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Memorialization
Following the funeral and final disposition,
you may want to remember your loved one with some form of
permanent memorialization which establishes a place to visit.
Though memorials are often grave markers or monuments, in
recent years, more contemporary forms have been planting a
tree, purchasing statuary art or other personal memorabilia
items included for home use.
Markers
Though grave markers are typically installed
in a cemetery, there may be restrictions. For instance, some
cemeteries require grass markers because it makes mowing much
easier. Grave markers can be purchased from a cemetery, funeral
home or independent monument sales office. Most markers are
made of granite and vary in price, depending on the color,
size, amount of engraving, and the number of sides that are
polished. It’s important to note that of all the final arrangement
decisions that need to be made, this is one that can be postponed
- weeks, months or even years.
Monuments
Monuments sit upright and indicate a section
of the cemetery where a number of family members are buried.
If a monument contains only the family name, then each individual
plot will generally have a head or foot stone listing the
individual’s name. Like markers, most monuments are made of
granite and vary in price depending on color, size, amount
of engraving, and the number of sides that are polished.
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Personalizing the Funeral
A funeral is one of the most intimate occasions
a family can share. As a way to honor the deceased, many families
customize the casket by adding personalized panels, custom
corners and items in a interior drawer. Families can also
individualize the ceremony by adding music, readings, stories,
and poetry that reflect and celebrate the life that was lived.
The Casket
To help honor a loved one in a unique way,
many families add personalized panels to the interior lid
of the casket. These panels are available in a variety of
motifs portraying various lifestyles, interests and service
affiliations. Another way to individualize a casket is by
adding custom corners. Customizing a casket with corner styles
adds special meaning, whether it’s with the “praying hands”,
“promise of hope” or “token of love” symbolized by the rose.
The Service
By reflecting on your loved one’s lifestyle,
religion, profession, organizational affiliation, or hobbies,
there are many ways you can make the funeral ceremony a more
unique experience.
Your family can also include parting thoughts
and messages, making the casket more of a personal memorial.
Because personal data is enclosed.
For the service or visitation, some families
arrange a memorial table with personal items such as photographs,
awards and personal effects that reflect the personality,
accomplishments and interest of the person’s life, allowing
others to share positive and happy memories.
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Disposition of Remains
For the survivors, the final disposition
is a strong, symbolic moment, a confirmation that they must
let go of the person who died and look ahead to a changed
life. Even if the final disposition is to take place in another
city or country, your funeral director can assist with final
details.
Ground Burial
Earth burial, also known as interment, continues
to be the form of disposition chosen most often in North America.
During an earth burial, traditional caskets are placed in
the ground or inside a vault. Many families prefer a grave
site and marker where they can go to remember the loved one
who has died.
Above Ground Entombment
Entombment in a crypt is one of the oldest
forms of disposition, dating back to ancient times. Like burial,
entombment provides a fixed, final resting place. When a body
is entombed, the casket is placed in a mausoleum, in an above-ground
structure usually made of marble or stone.
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Cremations
People choose cremation for a variety of
reasons. Some do so based on environmental considerations,
while others have philosophical or religious reasons. Still
others choose cremation because they feel it is less complicated
than ground burial or mausoleum entombment. Whatever the reason,
it’s important to know that like burial, there are a variety
of options available with cremation.
Planning the Service
Many people believe that choosing cremation
means limiting their funeral service choices. That is not
so. Like burial, most families hold personal services, which
help the bereaved cope with the loss of a loved one.
Viewing the Body
As with burial, many families choose to have
the deceased present during a ceremony prior to cremation.
Many find the viewing to be helpful - providing a positive
and peaceful image of the person to add to their memories.
It also allows family and friends to gather and provide comfort
to one another. Visitations can be public - open to all who
wish to attend, or private - open only to family members and
close friends at the immediate family's request. Regardless
of the family’s choice, this tradition gives family members
and friends the opportunity to say their final good-byes prior
to cremation and disposition of the remains.
The Ceremony
One of the greatest misconceptions about
cremation is that no funeral services are held when cremation
is chosen. Just as with burial, a service is an important
step in helping bereaved persons move through their grief,
and in offering family and friends the opportunity to honor
a loved one.
Memorial Service
A memorial service can be religious or secular,
with or without the body present. Though they’re often held
in a funeral home, memorial services can also take place in
other meaningful areas. More than one memorial service may
be held, particularly if friends and relatives located in
different parts of the country are unable to travel to one
location.
Plan Your Own
Personalization is a valuable element of
today’s funerals. A ceremony can be individualized with musical
selections, readings, and displays to reflect the person's
life, occupation and interests. It may reflect one's religious
beliefs as a re-affirmation of faith in a greater life beyond
this world. It may center on an ethnic background, social
affiliation, occupation or hobbies of the deceased. Inviting
friends and family to stand and say a few informal comments
about the deceased can be very helpful to survivors. Family
members are encouraged to express any ideas that will create
a more meaningful and personalized service.
Other Service Choices
Grave site services offer family and friends
the opportunity to give final parting words and thoughts prior
to final disposition of their loved one. While some families
prefer the simplicity of having a service held only at the
grave site, others prefer services in a church or funeral
home and at the grave.
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Choosing a Container
As you can see below, cremation caskets and
containers are available in a wide variety of styles and prices.
But before making any decisions, you will want to consider
the type of service that is planned. For example, when a traditional
ceremony has been scheduled, many families prefer the design
and ornamentation of a cremation casket. However, if a memorial
service (without the body present) is planned, you may choose
a hardboard or fiberboard container. Alternative containers
are also available; however, they offer no interiors and are
usually constructed of cardboard. These are suitable when
no viewing or service has been scheduled. Your funeral director
will be able to advise you on what type of casket or container
is most appropriate.
Traditional Caskets
Traditional wood caskets are often selected
by those individuals who cherish the warmth and beauty of
natural materials and are typically selected when a viewing
and/or service has been scheduled. Traditional caskets are
available in a wide range of prices and offer the design and
ornamentation typically associated with a funeral service.
Cremation Caskets
Cremation wood caskets are constructed specifically
for cremation. Their design is simple without the handles
or ornamentation of traditional wood caskets. As a result,
they are typically less expensive, yet crafted with the same
quality and care and appropriate when services have been scheduled.
Hardboard Caskets
Hardboard caskets are the first caskets made
specifically for cremation with the look of wood, yet are
lighter in weight and fully combustible. Made from a mixture
of composite and solid wood, these containers are less expensive
than wood caskets.
Fiberboard Containers
Fiberboard containers meet the special needs
of families on a budget, These lightweight, heavy-duty container
are constructed from fiberboard and will support weight without
worry.
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Choosing an Urn
Deciding what will be done with cremated
remains may help you in selecting an urn. An urn can serve
as an important focal point at a funeral or memorial service.
Afterward, it can be buried in a family plot at a cemetery,
placed in a niche at a mausoleum or kept in the home. There
are urn styles that are especially appropriate when scattering
is chosen. When you choose an urn, you are creating a permanent
memorial, one that reflects your loved one’s character and
your personal taste. That’s why you are encouraged to take
time to learn about the different materials and designs presented
below.
Cast Bronze
Cast bronze urns are made of solid bronze,
offering strength, durability and beauty. Some have a traditional
vase shape, while others are crafted works of art featuring
contemporary designs -- all of which are especially appropriate
for display in the home.
Sheet Bronze
Constructed of solid bronze sheets, these
urns are available in cube or chest shapes. Most feature a
beautiful brushed finish that can be enhanced by personalizing
with engraved names and dates or other ornamentation.
Wood Urns
Wood urns are crafted from a wide range of
species. Each features hand finishing with top quality stains
and lacquers. Like the sheet bronze urn, wood urns can also
be personalized.
Marble Urns
Marble urns are crafted from natural marble
and offer the durability and strength of stone. Fashioned
from solid blocks, unique veining patterns make them distinctive.
They are available in several types of marble, in a variety
of designs.
New Offerings
New cast acrylic statuary urns provide another
means to memorialize your loved one. Designed from original
artwork, these urns give the appearance of multi-dimensional
crystal and can be mounted on an elegant aluminum base. Though
designed to hold a small portion or all of the cremated remains,
cast acrylic urns are also used to hold special mementos or
keepsake items.
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Memorialization
A permanent memorial -- whether a cemetery
marker, planting a tree, or a decorative urn -- can hold important
emotional value. A permanent memorial establishes a place
where current and future generations can go to remember a
departed loved one.
Markers and Monuments
When cremated remains are buried in a family
plot or in a special section of the cemetery, markers may
be purchased to designate the burial place.
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Personalization
You remember something unique about every
person you love. A personalized urn helps that memory endure.
Whether it is placed in an urn niche, buried or kept in the
home, an urn personalized with a special engraving or design
makes the commemoration even more meaningful and comforting.
It will always be a fitting tribute to the character and qualities
that made someone you love unique.
Personalize the Service
A ceremony can be individualized with musical
selections, readings and displays to reflect the person's
life, occupation and interests. It may reflect one's religious
beliefs as a re-affirmation of faith in a greater life beyond
this world. It may center on an ethnic background or social
affiliation, occupation or hobbies of the deceased. Inviting
friends and family to stand and say a few informal words about
the life of the deceased can be very helpful to survivors.
Family members are encouraged to express any ideas that will
create a more meaningful and personalized service.
Urns
Whether you select a bronze, marble or hardwood
urn, most urns can be personalized with special designs or
text.
- Engravings -- urns can be engraved with names and
dates, favorite quotations, even photos and artwork. You
can choose from a wide variety of themes or supply your
own.
- Appliqués -- attractive appliqués can reflect a
loved one’s personality or interests. Many themes and designs
are available. Appliqués can also be combined with engraving.
- Medallions -- solid brass service medallions commemorate
time spent in various branches of the armed services. Medallions
can be used alone or combined with engraving.
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Disposition of Remains
There are a variety of choices for the final
disposition of cremated remains. Urns or other containers
may be placed in a niche at a columbarium, a structure designed
to contain cremated remains. Families may elect to bury the
urn in a family plot or cemetery, or the urn may be kept in
another place of personal significance, such as the home.
Subject to some restrictions, cremated remains can be scattered
by air, over the ground or water. Your funeral director is
knowledgeable about allowable practices in your community.
Some cemeteries offer areas for scattering and may provide
a space where families can place a commemorative plaque or
other memorial.
Burial
Usually cremated remains are placed in some
type of permanent receptacle or memorial urn before being
committed to a final resting place. The urn can be buried
in a family plot or urn garden, with a marker or headstone.
Columbarium
Some families choose to place cremated remains
in a columbarium as the final resting place. A columbarium
is an arrangement of niches that may be an entire building,
a complete room, a series of special indoor alcoves, a bank
along a corridor, or part of an outdoor garden setting. Columbariums
are often constructed of permanent materials such as bronze,
marble, brick, stone, or concrete.
Home
As a permanent memorial to the deceased,
many families choose to place the cremated remains of their
loved one in the home. Many urns are fashioned as statuary
works of art for display there.
Scattering
Whether it’s near famous landmarks, well-known
bodies of water or pristine natural settings, the scattering
of cremated remains is a popular disposition method. Whether
you choose total scattering (dispensing all of the cremated
remains) or ceremonial scattering (sprinkling just a small
portion), you may want to consider some form of memorialization.
Most people find consolation knowing there is a specific place
to visit when they wish to remember and feel close to the
person they have lost, regardless of whether the deceased
person's remains are actually located at that place. Because
many communities prohibit scattering, talk to your funeral
director regarding any local ordinances.
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